Thursday, 26 May 2016

People Don't Understand

I just thought of writing this post about how hard it is to find  a job and how employers don't understand disabilities. I just wanted to let things out and write things down.

I have been unemployed for a long time now it bothers me a lot,I feel down and I keep wondering am I ever going to get a job? I do get the odd interviews but when I go they either don't well or they do go well but I don't get a job. I know I can do it I just need a chance to prove that I make a good employee. Things haven't been easy I've been on endless courses,had 2 temp jobs,been to crappy seetec but nothing has come up for me and I do sometimes wonder where I'm going wrong? well there are a few things I need to work on so fingers crossed I overcome them soon. I post a lot on the Fragile X Facebook page which is really helpful and I also talk to Jane who works in the office at Fragile X she has helped me a lot with things. I have also had help from Dan at Shaw Trust he got me my last xmas job and has also been helpful with the college course I recently finished.

I have Fragile X a learning disability where I find things hard such as eye contact,meeting people I am shy and quiet so this makes things difficult. I have gained confidence from volunteering for 5 years and I did have 2 xmas jobs but nothing permanent has come up for me. I do think now most jobs have unreasonable hours which makes it harder when I have to rely on public transport. I went to an interview at M&S for the clothes department today and I didn't get the job because of the hours I would sometimes need to be there at 7am I mean why? what for? it's just ridiculous that jobs these days have such stupid hours.All I want is a job that has reasonable hours I can get there and back but there just aren't any about because they all have such crummy hours. I don't think companies really understand what it's like having a disability and trying to get a job relying on public transport is hard as well because there aren't early buses that will get somewhere for example at 6am I mean even if I drove I still wouldn't want to be getting somewhere so early they just expect you to be flexible (I can be if the hours were reasonable) but they don't understand that having to rely on buses isn't easy.

I think I've mentioned everything I need to say.
Thanks for reading and I hope to be back soon with a more positive post.





Friday, 20 May 2016

Comfort Zones

Comfort zones are called comfort zones for a reason and while most people probably don't mind getting out of there's I for one am afraid and always try to avoid getting out of mine but lately I've been trying to do more things that involve going to new places etc.

I was on a college course for 2 and a bit weeks and this somewhat scared me it was the unknown meeting people I didn't know finding the college was also a issue me and my mum went to find it the day before and it was miles (we went the long way) I got upset with it and panicked that I wouldn't be able to get there and tried to back out of doing the course. I got in contact with Dan from Shaw Trust who helped (he's the most helpful) and he walked me there and the 2nd day Andrew from the job centre met me at the bus park and walked with me and after that I felt less worried about finding it.

It was daunting going to a college I'd never been to before but I went, I did it and I only really had one day where I felt down and things got bit much for me.I find it hard asking for help with things because I'm shy but I told myself I have to ask it doesn't matter how small or big it is just ASK you will feel better,I did and I felt reassured and less worried about things.

I have an assessment day coming up soon to do with my college course and it's being in groups of people I don't know and again this does worry me as it's out of my comfort zone I have been asking for help more with things. Yesterday I tried to ask Shaw trust but they weren't helpful at all because I don't go anymore but I thought I could ask for some advice but no they palmed me of to the job centre who did help me.I do have people  in my life that actually want to support me and help me with things so I am not alone and I am grateful for that.I asked Jane from Fragile X and she has got me some information on being in groups so fingers crossed that will help,I have also asked one of my old advisers at the job centre and she is running a group session soon which I'm hoping to go on.

I've never really been an outgoing or very sociable girl but since I began volunteering back in 2010 I have gained more confidence and come out my comfort zone, also the same with having a Xmas job at M&S last year 2015 I went to Chelmsford 4 days a week and that was out my comfort zone but I did it!. Over time I think I have improved and I am taking up all opportunities I get because they might not come along again and I don't want to miss out. It's not easy getting out of comfort zones and most of us have places where we feel safe and happy so when it comes to going to other places/doing other things it makes us worry about how to deal with it and feel anxious as it's all new things that we've not done or been to before.

Having a disability does make it harder as I am shy and quiet so being in a room full of strangers terrifies me and I say nothing. So I am trying to put myself in situations that normally make me anxious but I know I have to do them and overcome my fear and worries because I probably can do it I just need some courage and a kick up the butt!. Meeting new people and starting a conversation is my worst nightmare but I can do it, I just have to be myself and it will be ok. I've managed to stick at volunteering for the past 5 years and I have had Xmas jobs which I have got through, learnt things,gained more skills etc. I am glad I've done these things because I wonder where I would be now if I hadn't started volunteering or had Xmas jobs (a permanent job would be great now please and thank you!) I have gained more confidence in myself and I do feel better about myself than I did.

Going to restaurant used to be hard for me when I was with my last bf I'd never been taken out to restaurants and so most of the time I felt out my comfort zone and out of place. He took me to Jamie's Italian and I hated every second of it,it wasn't for me,I felt uncomfortable and just wanted to go home. I am probably better now but sometimes I still feel out of place,I can't help and I don't want to be this way but I think it's because I'm shy and am not really into going to fancy places. Even then I'm not very talkative but I do try and I know I will get better but for now it's not a big deal.

My 10 tips on getting out your comfort zone.

1. Just be yourself.

2.Take things slowly there's no hurry.

3.Talk to your friends/family about how you feel they will understand.

4.Give any opportunities you get a try you never know what it will bring.

5.Don't give up on yourself no matter how long things take.

6.Don't worry about what others think just concentrate on YOU.

7.Take chances

8.Try to face your fears.

9.Be excited for the unknown.

10.Be confident in yourself and tell yourself that you CAN do it and things will be ok!.

Thanks for reading.


Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Group And One To One Interviews

I wasn't going to write this post but as I have a group assessment day coming up I thought I'd share my experiences.

I've never been a fan of interviews especially group ones I haven't had a lot of them but the ones I've had haven't gone well because I'm not this outgoing person,talkative person who always has things to say. So when it comes to group interviews I become my shy,quiet,self and don't really contribute to it and that's where I'm going wrong and haven't got a job.I'm okay with one to one but they still worry me and I find it hard answering questions and I can't get my words out because I'm so nervous. I do think that because I'm not this outgoing person I haven't got a job but I do come out my shell it just takes some time but they don't see it like that and so I don't even get a chance I know I can do the job but they don't see it like that.

I recently done a college course with new people and it didn't really take long for me to make friends/talk to others but I was quiet at times and did find myself not contributing ideas as there were louder people on it. I soon came out my shell which surprised me because it normally takes a while.When I was on this course I had an interview for B&M and that was a group I found the task easy,it was just the meeting new people/talking/being outgoing part was hard and that's probably why I haven't got the job.I did have group interview at Holland and Barrett a while ago and again it was hard and didn't go well because there were people there who knew about the products and were passionate about health so I didn't really stand a chance.

I've always found it hard meeting new people and school wasn't a good time for me either or also college things weren't easy as I have Fragile X I find talking to new people difficult and I go shy/quiet and nervous about it. I've never been this outgoing or very sociable girl I don't really want to be like that as such but I still want to be able to talk to new people and not feel worried about it. I think having Fragile X does make things harder for me but I still believe I should have a chance at getting job regardless of having a disability I know I can do these things and I am capable I just need a chance to prove it.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Life Update

It's been awhile since I've sat down and written about my life what's been happening,what's going on,what I'm doing now and how I'm feeling etc.

College Course
I am back did you miss me? of course you did! haha anyway I've been on a college course at Chelmsford college for the past 2 weeks and 4 days it was an employability course in the hope of getting a job at the new John Lewis that' opening soon. I am glad I did it but I also don't think it was as helpful as I thought. I did meet new people which is always good and it's helped with my confidence.

What Am I Doing Now?
Now my course has finished I am hoping I get a job soon keeping everything crossed it happens very very very soon watch this space! and be sure to look out for a new job post. I will go back to volunteering next week as I haven't been there for over 2 weeks so it will be nice to see everyone and see all the bargains I've missed!.

Positivity And Being Proud
When I started this course I wrote updates on the Fragile X facebook page and it really did help reflecting my days.A lot of people on there were proud of me and liked my updates which is good because I did it for over 2 weeks!. It did make me feel happier writing in there and many said I was an inspiration and have done well for getting to the end. I am grateful for this page as it's really helped me out and I feel so much more positive and happy!.I feel so much less worried about things which I never thought I'd say because I'm a worrier! so to say I'm worrying less is a blooming miracle!.

I think that's all I need to mention
How are you? how's things going?

Thanks for reading and I'll be back very soon!.

Saturday, 14 May 2016

Employability College Course

My blog has taken a back seat since being on a college course for 2 weeks and 4 days (which I'll explain in a minute) I haven't had anytime to write any posts and so I thought I'd write about my experiences and what I thought about it all.

My job centre advisor Karena and my old advisor Thea told me about this course and said it was to possibly get a job the new John Lewis opening in Chelmsford soon what she didn't say was that it was really a employability course and I've done many of them. Every time I went in she kept going on and on and I was so adamant I didn't want to go to Chelmsford everyday and I tried to make excuses (it clearly didn't work) I finally gave in and agreed to do it. I started on Monday 25th April 2016 the first day was bit muddled and not very organised but the first week wasn't too bad we got to know each other and we did a ice breaker with marshmallows and spaghetti (uncooked pasta).The 2nd week (4 days) as there was a bank holiday we did start going through our work book it was easy stuff and seemed pointless because I've done all these kinds of courses before. No one of it had anything to do with John Lewis. Sometimes it felt like being back at school with bitching and tell tailing etc and some didn't get on and some clashed with each other. We did help each other with things and we did have a laugh too which is good. I found Andrew from Chelmsford job centre most helpful he met me at the bus park to walk with me to college on the 2nd day so I was reassured and less worried it helped a lot I do find it hard asking people for help with things but I think I am getting there and I have gained more confidence in myself.

The whole 2 weeks and 4 days weren't what I expected there always seemed to be issue after issue and it never seemed like anything got done nor did I really learn anything in all honesty I don't feel that I learnt a lot or have really done much work. We visited John Lewis at Westfield at Stratford London on 6th May 2016 which was good I liked going there to ask questions and look around the store made a change from being in the classroom and I love London I even managed to go to Primark I wish I'd stayed longer and gone about my own but ah well. The last week it finished on the Friday 13th May 2016 was the worst we were all doing our online applications I did mine at home when I got the email because I thought that was the plan I didn't need to do it again. It was a bad week,everyone was getting upset with the process and then there was another issues with some people and the tutor (not going into detail on that). My tutor Brigit was nice but I felt like I didn't get enough help with anything I didn't really have any issues or anything but I think the class was too big and everyone talked over each other and it was too much for her to deal with. It would have been better if the class was smaller because I don't think the tutor could cope she also doing college course herself and I've no idea how she did that and teach us for 2 weeks and 4 days. I did get a bit upset with things in the last week everything was getting to me and I just felt all my emotions coming out. I've met new people which I'm glad I have because I find that hard and this course has helped me out with that :). It did make a change having something to get up and go out for everyday but the walk to college was longggg! hated that bit but I did it everyday and I am proud I made it to the end.

Thanks for reading.

Saturday, 7 May 2016

10 Ways To Worry Less

1.Keep thinking positive thoughts and positive things will happen.

2.99% of the things we worry about don't even happen.

3.Take time out,have a bubble bath,relax and just de-stress/de-worry!.

4.Talk to your friends,family,teacher,college tutor someone you can trust with things.

5.Keep smiling about the good things in your life.

6.Write your worries down and you'll realise they aren't really worth worrying about.

7.Listen to your favourtie songs.

8.Take a walk/run.

9.Find inspiring quotes and stick them where you'll see them everyday.

10.Watch your favourite tv series/films.



Monday, 2 May 2016

My Go To Maybelline Colour Tattoo Cream Gel Eyeshadows

I love these Maybelline eye shadows and I always buy on and on bronze in 35 and creme de nude in 93 which I use as a base and then put the bronze one over the top. It goes on well,lasts all day and blends well. They're so reasonably priced at £4.99 each and you can get them from Boots/Superdrug. I have bought other colours such as gold but my two favorites are the bronze and cream ones.

I like that they come in little pots though they're breakable!,they fit perfectly in my make up which is good for travelling because you don't want to be taking a bulky eyeshadow palette that will take up all the room. There are 12 shades to choose from blue,purple,gold etc to name a few. They all look so pretty and I am yet to try other more daring colours which I will soon!.I did buy pomegranate but wasn't as keen,and also pink gold I wasn't overly keen on that one either but I am going to try some of the other shades and see how I get on I will wrtie a blog post on and let you know what I think.

I tend to buy a lot of brown/bronzed eye shadows as I think they suit me better I do have other colours but always go back to brown! I have tried a light pink colour and blue but they don't really show up/go on that well and I prefer these cream/gel ones as they go on a lot better and you don't even need a brush!well you can use one if you want. This bronze one goes on better when I use the cream one as a base or sometimes I just wear that on it's own.





Thanks for reading.

Sunday, 1 May 2016

How Fragile X Affects Job Hunting

Hello I am back with some content it has been a while since I last posted but I'm currently on a course and blogging has taken a backseat but I will get back into it when my course ends which is soon!. I just wanted to get something posted now while I have some time.

For me finding a job has been far from easy from me ever since I left school in 2007/college in 2010 I've been on JSA for so long and I'm now on universal credit.Over time I've been on endless courses which have been no help whatsoever seetec was for 2 years and most unhelpful my adviser wasn't nice at all she sent me jobs I couldn't get to,made me go when it was my signing day. The other courses I've done haven't been any help either it's just stuff I already know but the job centre just send you so they look good. I went to Shaw trust the beginning of 2015 and they have been most helpful than anyone else they got me my Xmas job at M&S last year which was in Chelmsford not my favourite place but I was really desperate for a job even it was only for Xmas I still liked it and gained more confidence. I have gained more skills and learnt a lot from volunteering in a charity shop (for 5 years) that wasn't the plan to be there so long but things didn't work out how I thought.

Having Fragile X does make job hunting hard for me at times and when I apply for jobs and they have a questionnaire the questions aren't easy,I find them difficult and I don't think it's a fair way of applying I never get anywhere with them and I don't like doing them. Other times when I apply and get an interview I get my words muddled up sometimes,or I look around the room which I try not to do but it's hard to always give someone eye contact because of having Fragile X. I know I can't change having a disability and I will always have it so I have to bypass all the obstacles and prove to myself and others that I am good enough for a job and I am NOT giving up until I've found a job that I love doing I will get there and I am more positive about things now I believe they will get better very soon I will not lose hope!. I know that I can do anything I want (well within reason haha!) and I am going to do whatever it takes,I believe that things are possible and I will keep on going. I do get worried/nervous/anxious about interviews,applying for jobs and I also get down about job rejections because I really do try my best and that's all I can do and I know worrying is pointless but we all do it. I do try to worry less and stay positive about things because my life isn't bad and compared to others I've met recently I count myself lucky.

I hope you liked this post and thanks for reading



A Very Long Over Due Life Update

Well hello there I'm back with a long over due life update it really has been a while since I've posted one. I've been putting...